When Autism Comes to Church: Practical Advice for Parents & Pastors

Michael F. Bird12 min readSeptember 20, 2025

Editor’s note: This article is co-written by Mike and Naomi Bird.

Our son M was formally diagnosed in 2015 with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism spectrum disorder (ASD), and sensory processing disorder (SPD).

We already had two daughters and noticed that our bouncing baby boy was very different from his siblings. We initially put this down to boys being boyish. But then we began to notice certain things. Sometimes M struggled to match his energy for the task he was doing, whether at home, church, or kindergarten. At the same time, M also had the ability to engage in laser-like focus on some thing or topic that was well beyond his age. He had a peculiar mix of unruly raucousness and hypnotic concentration that was hard to explain.

For example, once we were walking along a beach and came across a rock pool. Three-year-old M immediately stopped, stared intently into the rock pool for about half a minute, then suddenly thrust his hand into the water and pulled out a fish! Yet the same boy could also find it hard to sit still in church during Bible-story time or craft activities.

With the birth of our second boy, T, who was active but far more able to regulate his attention and energy, the juxtaposition with M became more acute. On the advice of some perceptive teachers, we sought a diagnosis for M. Psychologists and pediatricians confirmed the ADHD, ASD, and SPD diagnoses.

The diagnoses brought relief at one level, but also sadness and especially grief, a grief for futures lost and fears we had not chosen. We were afraid that we would struggle to parent M and that he would struggle his whole life to fit into a world not made for him.

It can be hard to encounter those who treat your son or daughter differently because of their personal traits, quickly judge that your kid needs discipline not doctors, or spout a conspiracy theory about vaccines causing autism. It is hard for the child, too, who has to accept the fact that they are different, that while some things might be easier, most things are harder.

That said, we’ve been blessed by some great medical professionals, teachers, pastors, church friends, and family who not only accepted us and our son, but also embraced us with grace. They support us as we help M make his way in the world, participate joyfully in church, and advance in the way of Jesus Christ.

My wife (Naomi) and I (Mike Bird) share in M’s journey as his parents. We want to see him grow and carry with him that faith that he was baptized into, so as to become a man who follows Jesus, is led by the Spirit, and aspires to give God glory in all things.

What we offer in this article is not a formula, manual, or to-do list for those who parent or pastor autistic children, but simply an account of what we’ve learned. Neither of us is a psychologist or pediatrician, but we are parents trying to love our son with the love that God has poured into our hearts for him.

But first …

What is autism?

Autism is a condition that affects how a person thinks, feels, interacts with others, and experiences their environment. There is a full definition and explanation in the DSM-5 of the diverse ways that autism is expressed. As we might summarize them, the main characteristics are:

1. Underdeveloped social skills and emotional intelligence.

2. Difficulty with reading people and expressing feelings and thoughts.

3. Difficulty building lasting relationships.

4. Idiosyncratic behavior or fixated interests.

5. Difficulties in deviating from routine.

6. Hyperactivity and hyposensitivity varyingly exhibited as a lack of impulse control, difficulty in applying appropriate attention to a task, and a propensity for constant distraction.

Research practical topics like Autism using Logos’s Factbook.

A key thing to note is that autism is a spectrum. People experience it in different ways, ranging from some who are non-verbal to others who function and live independently. Some can be hypersensitive—feel triggered by noise and various stimuli—while others are hyposensitive—they crave stimulation even as they struggle to regulate their energy levels and mood in a given situation.

If you know one autistic child, then you know one autistic child. They are all different and their needs are different. Every autistic individual is unique with no single box that they all fit into, hence the preferred term “neurodiverse.”

Advice for parents

So how do you take your neuro-spicy child to church in a way that does not get your child ostracized but creates a wholesome environment for your entire family? Here are some things we’ve learned that we recommend to others.

1. Be flexible

When it comes to nurturing your neurodiverse child in the faith, there is no secret sauce, there is no rulebook, there is no list of dos and donts that provides a guaranteed, foolproof, and surefire way to draw them into the love of God or build them up into spiritual maturity. Each child is different, has different needs, different triggers. Each requires their own specific suite of support, care, and activities to help them enjoy church, learn the Bible, and grow in their love for God and for others.

Parenting a neurodiverse child involves trial and error, trying new things, and thinking outside of the box. It requires working with doctors, teachers, and other parents.

2. Communicate

Consider arranging a meeting with a church’s youth leaders to let them know the situation of your child. This can help immensely. Leaders need to know that autistic kids need a little bit more care and attention, even while it doesn’t mean they have to tolerate intolerable behavior.

This entails briefing children and youth ministry leaders, but also getting feedback from them. Most importantly, it means talking to your neurodiverse child. Include them in conversations about them wherever possible.

3. Accept imperfections

You need to accept that meltdowns happen, tantrums will be thrown, tears will be cried, and some people might not always respond with graciousness. The mess and stress is okay.

Advice for churches, pastors, and ministers

The church hasn’t always done well interacting with disability and neurodiversity, but there are encouraging stories. Thankfully, we live in a time when diversity and disability are getting a lot more attention in practical theology and the training of pastoral leaders.1

Churches can consider the following ways to support autistic children and their families.

1. Acknowledge the prevalence of disability

The disabled make up a big part of your ministry. According to the World Health Organization, one in six people in the world have a disability. Additionally, some disabilities will be invisible to the naked eye. People can be born with a disability, acquire a disability by injury or illness, or age into disability.

Caring for the disabled is an important part of ministry. So get read-up, learned-up, and trained-up on how to minister to people with physical and cognitive disabilities.

2. Be humble

If you are not a pediatrician, then don’t speak with the confidence and authority of one. Instead, seek to listen and learn from neurodiverse people and their families.

When it comes to autism and neurodiversity “be quick to listen and slow to speak” (Jas 1:19).

3. Train your volunteers and leaders

Train your youth leaders to care for families with neurodiverse children. If a church is to welcome families affected by neurodiversity, it needs to be a place where people have been trained about neurodiversity.

Don’t skimp. Children and youth ministry is not babysitting while wearing a WWJD bracelet. It is ministry, and one of the most important ones for the nurture, discipleship, and retention of kids in the Christian faith.

Whether you facilitate seminary courses or seminars with a local medical professional, include instruction on neurodiversity in your process of raising up children and youth ministry workers.

4. Provide a friendly environment

Perhaps the one thing that makes church and youth activities not only bearable but even enjoyable is their social dimension. If kids of various ages befriend an autistic child, leaders are kind and attentive, the environment is non-stress inducing, and the activities are fun, then that child is more likely to feel safe and enjoy church.

For example, we were able to take M to a special ministry called Light Up, which offered a praise, prayer, and worship program for children of different abilities. This proved to be a positive experience—especially M getting to ring the church bells—even as he enjoyed some activities more than others.

5. Implement a buddy system

Consider having some trusted older kids pair up with an autistic child to help them with prompts, transitions, activities, and paying attention. This works all the better if the two have common interests and a good rapport.

6. Offer quiet, safe places

Have a space in your church for kids who need to get away from noise, people, and bright lights so they can relax and reset.

For instance, our church started something called Quiet Place. When our Sunday school breaks into different groups, we provide a sensory experience for those who struggle with the normal format. Interestingly, we found we also attracted kids with anxiety issues or those who didn’t like the busyness and noise of the other groups. We’ve also provided tools and ways to assist those kids who struggle or don’t seem engaged. Naomi helped begin a sensory space for our church’s school holiday program—not an alternative program, but a space to reset and regulate when children felt too overwhelmed to participate in the main program.

7. Give regular encouragement

Encouragement is a gift that keeps giving. Reminding a parent or guardian that you see their struggle and share both their sadness and triumphs is one of the best ways to support them. Let them know that you and the church care for them and are there for them.

While your resources may be limited, your compassion and consideration need not be. Encourage them to persevere in parenting, faith, and the church, as many cannot imagine doing those things without the love and support of their church.

8. Offer a support group for parents

Start a neurodiverse parent group at your church. Chances are there is more than one family or parent in your congregation with a neurodiverse child.

As awareness of neurodiversity grows and diagnoses become more common, more parents will find themselves in a state of lament and confusion. It helps to have friends who offer not only empathy but also sympathy—people who can serve as caregivers and confidants, or simply can offer a shoulder to cry on.

9. Equip neurodiverse people to serve—not just be served

Neurodiverse people need to serve as much as be served within the church. The body of Christ is diverse in its gifts and abilities (1 Cor 12:1–21; Rom 12:3–8). To fully include the whole body entails both giving and receiving from one another (Gal 5:13; 6:2).

Churches must move beyond merely tolerating disabled or neurodiverse persons and instead value them for who they are and what they contribute.

Someone with a disability may not appear to hold a significant role in the body. But God has gifted them with a unique purpose that ought to be fully expressed. It is good for neurodiverse people to be seen, but it is even better when they are valued to the point that they are allowed appropriate ways to serve the church as well.

As Prof. John Swinton argues, churches must move beyond mere inclusivity, where a disabled or neurodiverse person is simply tolerated, and instead embrace belonging. Belonging means disabled and neurodiverse people are valued for who they are and what they contribute and whose absence we would regret.2

Conclusion

What we have shared here is our story and some of the lessons we have learned along the way. Some of this may resonate with you, though your story may look different—and that’s okay, because every autistic person is unique. Nonetheless, our hope is that this article provides both encouragement and practical advice for those navigating the challenges and joys of parenting a child on the spectrum.

The Bird’s recommended resources for further study

• Grant Macaskill, Autism and the Church: Bible, Theology, and Community. Waco, TX: Baylor University Press, 2021.

• John Swinton, “From Inclusion to Belonging: A Practical Theology of Community, Disability and Humanness.” Journal of Religion, Disability and Health 16 (2012): 172–90.

• Barbara J. Newman, Autism and Your Church: Nurturing the Spiritual Growth of People with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Faith Alive Christian Resources, 2011.

• Stewart Rapley, Autistic Thinking in the Life of the Church. London: SCM, 2021.

• Kate Morris. The Extraordinarily Normal: Faith, Family, and Neurodivergence.

• Autism and Theology Podcast.

• Full Spectrum Parent.